Vanquishing the ghost

I seek liberation from a ghost. The ghost that haunts my thoughts, my memories, my dreams, my defeated heart and finally my hemorrhaged soul. I pray to God to allow me a day of stillness without this apparition looming interwoven in my psyche. But instead he rubs salt in my gangrenous wounds by playing unsettling jokes, constantly placing unambiguous reminders in my line of sight. As if he wouldn't want me failing to remember, to move on. Or maybe to make sure that I've really learned the lesson that this phantom was meant to teach me.

No more lessons God! Please just give me peace if I cannot have happiness! I do not want to remember! I do not want to feel this anymore. I just want it to go away. I promise God, I wont let it happen again. I swear.

But my pleas fall on deaf ears.

I cast away all things that menace to reopen the floodgates. Cast them away remembering the phrases once told on the down low "don't hold your breath", "you're not a stupid girl, just think about it" and "don't waste your time". Loaded words of warning that triggered my new stance.

I stand alone, crippled by the abrasive reality, but I still stand unwavering with my new resolve. I try to use what ever means necessary. Stones, cleansings, natural remedies and prayer to no avail. My only alternative is to allow time itself to release me, catching a little tighter grasp to myself for safety.